Nightmare
by soulstabber365
Summary: In that instant my whole world, one of innocent goals and reasonings, turned into a nightmare i couldn't escape. Language, self-abuse, in later chapters xxx.
1. Chapter 1

Nightmare.

I wrote this while listening to the Avenge Sevenfold song Nightmare.

Please review.

* * *

I was running through the streets, chasing after the infamous Scar, when it happened.

I had just rounded the corner of a large building, when i was grabbed by hair, and yanked backwards. The next thing i knew Scar was kneeling over me. My heart almost burst from the rapid pacing it was keeping.

"Ah, Fullmetal. Why do you always chase me so? It's almost if you wish to perish by my hand."

I just sat there looking at him, at a loss for words. Why _was _I always chasing after him? The man who killed people like me? The man who was going to kill me? His hand grabbed my throat, " The chasing ends here fullmetal." was whispered in the wind. A flash of red.

_Splat_

* * *

As i crouched over the child alchemist, i couldn't shake the forboding twing i was feeling. Were there more people coming this way? I quickly stood, and as i turned away. A flash of red.

_Gods._

I looked over my shoulder to see the child alchemist standing. _Standing._

_I just killed him. Didn't I? Why is he standing there?_

_"_Scar. . . You have killed so many innocents, along with the cursed. Yet you say you are doing the work of a God. Would a God kill innocent people, for revenge? Revenge. Scar, all you are doing is seeking revenge," He took a step closer to the ishvalan. " on those who already seek revenge on themselves daily. Flashbacks are a dreadful thing Scar. Do you think they killed your people just for fun? It was orders Scar. If you don't obey orders you are to be executed." another step closer, "Kill or be killed. Many of those men that have died by your hand had families." Another step," Now those families seek revenge against you. And your people. It's a never ending circle Scar. And you're just making it larger."

The child alchemist was standing right in front of him now. Did he move? Did he try and kill him again?

A flash of red.

_Splat_

And the alchemist killer was lying on the ground, killed by his own technique.

"Fullmetal!"

* * *

_Why am i still alive?_

I brush my human fingers across my throat, there isn't even a raised bump, or scratch.

"Fullmetal!"

I turn to look behind me. I must of been a sight, because Mustang and his whole crew froze, and the color had drained from their faces.

_Well i can't blame them, _ I chuckled, _I'm standing here covered with blood, with the infamous Scar laying on the ground with his chest blown wide open! _I let out another chuckle, which soon led to a maddening laugh. I held my face in my hands, and stopped. _I just killed someone. A mass murderer albeit, but i just _killed _someone. _

"Fullmetal? Are you alright?" I look up, into the eyes of Mustang. They're filled with concern for me. _For me. _I chuckle. There's no way Mustang is concerned for me. He's a self-righteous perverted bastard, that avoides paperwork at any cost.

"Fullmeta-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M TRYING TO THINK!" I scream at him. I back further into the alleyway, almost tripping over Scar. I crouch beside him and tear off his sleeve. _Is he the reason I'm still alive? _I look closely at the arm, turning it this way and that. _No this arm was made only for pure destruction. _I drop it without a thought, and stand up straight. And take a quick glance at the alleyway. A dead end. And the only exit has a group of people, of friends, wanting to help.

I take off my red jacket, and quicly wipe the blood from my throat and face. And swing it over my shoulder in a casual manner. And start to walk towards the entrance with a sigh. _This is going to suck Ass._

As i approach the entrance everyone backs up, out of fear or personal space, I'll never know. I look Mustang in the eye. Should I tell him. Should i tell him that i was on the Gates doorstep and i came back. _No. _

I dropped my gaze and turned towards my apartment. Walking at a steady casual pace.

"Fullmetal?! Where the hell do you think you're going?! There's a dead man on the ground, are you planning to tell me what happened?!" I stopped. My shoulders dropping fron there usual proud stance. And look over my shoulder.

" I killed him. Now I'm going home, to get the damned blood of me." I say in a dead tone. " Or would you rather have me stand out here in the rain?"

"It's not raining. . .Fullmetal. . ."

" Yes it is."

I turn and walk away. Tears straming down my face. _It's always raining, always, always, always._


	2. Creepy Crawler

yeah! sorry it took so long to update... school just started again. . .fml.

I'll try to make this a weekly update, but lets face it, i'm not good with schedules. Or spelling. so don't hate me for any mistakes i make.

BTW. I was listening to John 5- Creepy Crawler, when i wrote this. Kind of fits the feel to it, Ya know?

* * *

As soon as i get back to my apartment, i drop to my knees. I had sworn to myself i would never kill anyone. _Anyone. _Even if the person just so happened to be a mass murderer of people i know. My comrads. I reach up to feel my neck. My fingers ghost over the skin. _Why am i still alive? _

I stumble to my feet, and make my way over to my bedroom, stumbling and leaning onto the bare walls. Leaving dark streaks of red, that lead toward my room. I shed my clothes the moment my feet hit the linoleum, and step into the dingy old shower of my dingy old apartment. No one knows where i live, and i rather like to keep it that way. I'm never going to let anyone close to me. Not after Al. Not after Mom. Not after. . . Winry. I let the recently dried tears run down my face as i stand under the cold waterfall. How could i have been so stupid, naive? I had thought sending her off to Xing would have kept her safe, but little did i know. Little did my naive, boyish self know. That bandits would jump her caravan, kill all the men, rape all the women, and kill them in front of their children. When the news had been delivered to me, i had just lost Al to the gate. I didn't have anything to give to the gate, it had searched through my soul, picked me apart piece by piece, to only tell me that there was nothing in me worthy of getting me Al back. When i had come back to the world everyone had stood and looked at me, and i had stood there in complete shock, not able to do anything. Izumi had walked up to me, not daring to enter the circle. " Ed? What happened? Where's. . ."

I had dropped to my knees and stared at my now flesh hands. " Worthless. . ." was whispered to the wind as people started rushing towards me. Quickly forming a circle around my cirlce.

"Ed? Can you hear us?" They asked. "Where's Al?" They asked. I couldn't take it, i started to shake, i burried my face into my hands. My entire life had been dedicated to giving Al his body back. To make him whole. And what did i have to show for it? Nothing. Zip. Zero. Worthlessness. I stopped shaking and lowered my hands. to the circle beneath me wipping away part of the circle making it worthless. I couldn't hear their voices. It was like a noisy buzzing in the background. The next thing i knew Izumi was kneeling next to me.

"Ed? What happened? What did the gate take? What did you receive?"

"Worthlessness." I stand and make my way towards nothing.

* * *

As soon as i step out of the shower i flop onto my bed. _Mustang i going to be all over my ass tomorrow. _I groan. I really don't want to have to hear the speech again. Every time i do something that he finds a tad bit odd, or in todays case basically mental behavior. No doubt i'll be sitting in his office listening to his ramblings about how i should see help. How i should talk to someone about what i'd been through. To talk to him, he'd understand. _That's just it, he never would. Nobody ever would. _

I slowly roll over and jump off the bed. _I can't just lie in bed naked all day. __That would mean that i cant get out of bed. That would mean i was depressed. I'm not depressed._ I pause my ramblings to open my closet. _Just keep telling yourself that Ed. Keep lying to yourself. That'll make everything alright._


	3. Snakes

I know i said i would try and keep updating it on a regular basis, but when inspiration strikes, who am i to deny it?

And for all of you people out there who are reading this, know that when i'm done i will rewrite and edit it more efficiently. That includes spelling, it kicks the hell out of my ass. Just ask my third grade teacher, Mrs. S. She'll tell ya. :)

* * *

When i wake up, im bombarded by the sun, shinning through my window. I look over to my alarm clock, _uugghh, _I hate it when i wake up before it goes off. That means i have to lay in bed and wait for it to go off. Well. . . I guess i really don't have to wait, but i don't want to move until i absolutely have to. _That's what makes people think you need help, not getting out of bed until it's absolutely necessary. _I jump out of bed and yank the cord from the walk, effectively rendering my alarm clock silent. _There i'm out of bed! Not depressed, not depressed. _I walk over to my closet and grab the only thing that's still clean. A black longsleeved muscle shirt, and a pair of low waist, worn out, jeans. _Definately time to do the wash again._ I dress and make my way out the front door, not bothering to eat. The sooner i get there, the sooner i can leave.

* * *

By the time i reach headquarters it's almost ten. _Maybe i'll beat Havoc there. _Jean and i haven't been on the best of terms since. . . well. . . ya know. I guess that's kind of to be expected, after all i did deliver a hard right to his jaw, because he wouldn't get out of my way. I would never do that under normal circumstances, but i was emotional. And he's being a big asshole about the whole thing. I tried to apologize _multiiple_ times, but he just _won't _listen.

I let out a sigh and start making my way up the over-exagerated steps that lead up to front doors. _If i stand here forever people will think i'm not well. I'm perfectly healthy. Perfectly sane. And. . .perfectly worthless._

I step through the doors, and into the lobby. And just like that. Everything stops. Every eye in the room is trained on me, as if i'm some mental. . . oh. I quietly saunter out of the room, trying to keep up my calm facade. A calm, emotionless mask, that's slowly cracking. Slowly crumbling away to reveal to monstorous face beneath. I walk down the labyrinth of hallways, easily navigating my way through the maze, afterall i've been here for, oh, about 9 years. I know this place and eastern command like the backs of my, scarred, blood covered, hands.

_Normal thoughts, Ed. Normal thoughts._

I take a deep breath and open up the door to Mustangs outter office. Praying to a god that i don't believe in, that only Riza's here, I can't deal with anyone except her. I can't deal with everyones eye's trained on me like i might explode. At least she's subtle about it. My hand tightenes aroung the doorknob. I let out my breath with a sigh, and open the door, making my way into the living snake pit.

* * *

SHIT. Looks like everyone wanted to make good with the Bastard or they just didn't want to miss my entrance. All theor eyes are trained on me, i freeze just inside the doorway.

"Riza? Is mustang in yet?" I ask quietly, " Sorry Ed, he's not here quite yet. You can sit on the couch and wait if you want." She looks at me with a worried expression.

"Uh, i'll just go to the, um, cafeteria then. Will you tell him that i'm down there when he gets here?" I quietly add, trying to ignore the drilling looks aimed at my back.

" Sure thing Ed."

I leave the room, quickly shutting the door behing me. I let out a shakey breath and lean against the door. _Why did Mustang have to be late of all days? _I quitely pull myself together and head downstairs, to only meet another snake pit that's eyes were countless and blameful.


	4. Eyes

Every time i turn a corner i expect a monster to be lurking there, waiting for the kill, waiting for me. What i didn't expect today was to run into Mustang on the way to the cafeteria. I also didn't expect him to look as tired and frazzled as he did.

"Oh, Edward! I was just looking for you. We need to talk." He grabs my arm and starts hauling me toward his office, back towards the questioning gazes and pitiful stares. I dig my heels into the carpet as he opens the door, I don't want to go through the room.

"Ed?" I shake my head at him, silently asking for him to not draw attention to us. He opens his mouth to speak again.

I rip my arm from his grasp, and stumble back into the wall. _Can't he see? Can't he see i don't want their eyes on me?_ Their eyes are on me now, Riza, Havocs, the receptionist down the hall, Breda, Falman. I turn to run, but i see Hughes at the end of the hall, watching me with weary eyes, as if i'm some spooked animal. Well . . . i guess i am. I slide against the wall trying, turning to go the other direction. But, alas, Armstrong i now there, waiting for me.

"Ed? " Mustang is approaching me slowly. " I just want to speak with you a moment. That's it nothing more."

I shrink against the wall. _Yeah Right! He wants to hurt me , he's trapping me, he thinks i'm dangerous. _I start to hyperventalate.

"Calm down Ed. There's nothing frightening here."

Hughes and Armstrong are coming closer now. I can feel the air disappearing, yet i'm still able to breath.

I rear my head and look into his sensible eyes with my crazed ones. "Get away, back up, to close, stop. Worthless." I repeat this over and over until he takes a step back. His eyes widening. "Ed?"

_A FLASH IF RED_

* * *

_I can't breathe! _Blood.

My neck is open, blooming like a flower. _Like last night._

Mustang is shouting, but i stand there, looking at my hand in fascination. Blood.

Mustang is looking at me now.

"Sir." Hawwleye quickly brings his attention to the fact that i'm not dying, just standing there.

"EDWARD? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

I stand there looking at him, he looks a t me. Another flash of red am im bloodless.

I look at my clean, white hand.

"Oh no." I quickly shed my shirt and turn my head frantically this way and that trying to look.

"Ed? What are you doing?"

_Time Freezes._

_I stop breathing._

_For there, on the lower left portion of my back, is the oroborous._

"Ed?" Mustang takes a step forward. . .

"STOP!" I yell. "DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"

Everyone freezes.

I hesitatingly clap my hands together. And press them against the wall. _ Nothing._

_"_Oh God. . ."

"Edward? What's wrong." Hughes takes a step towards me, I take a step back.

"Homonculous."

Everyone freezes when they here that, like someones suddenly turned them to stone.

"Where?" Riza asks, with a commanding tone in her voice. Drawing her pistol and scanning the hallway.

"Me."

* * *

Cant really decide if i wanna continue this or not. It's kinda starting to bore me. If you want me to continue, comment and tell me or something.


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